The Mayan apocalyptic time bomb may answer some of your questions, (though you won’t be around to hit yourself in the forehead and say “duh”). For instance, what is the Illuminati building under the Denver International Airport? Why are Obama and Boehner dragging their feet on this fiscal cliff thing? And why all the zombie shows and movies? If you see Will Smith and a German shepherd walk past your house Friday morning, you may have just answered the last one.
It’s a matter of interpretation when you translate seventh century Mayan hieroglyphics, but some say the 13th B’ak’tun is upon us, an event that ends the 5,125-year-long Mayan calendar. You see, in the Popol Vuh, a compilation of the K’iche’ Maya creation accounts, (stay with me here) it explains that we are living in the fourth world. After three failed attempts to create a world in which to place humanity, the gods created a shiny blue ball for humans to live on. However, the previous world ended after 13 B’ak’tuns. Our world reaches the end of 13 B’ak’tuns on December 21.
According to some Mayan hieroglyphics, this date corresponds with the appearance of the Mayan god of war, Bolon Yokte. What does this signify? I don’t know, but I think that if we can find out the place and time, we’ll be able to send Ray Lewis, Chuck Norris, and Clint Eastwood to meet him (Clint can have a chat with his throne while Ray and Chuck keep him at bay).
Still though, there is American philosopher and ahem … fungus spores enthusiast Terrance McKenna’s theory of “Novelty.” He believed that the events of any given time are related to the events of other time periods. McKenna chose the atomic bombing of Hiroshima as the basis for calculating his world end date of November 16, 2012. When he later discovered that the end of the 13th B’ak’tun in the Maya calendar had been correlated not far from his own hypothesized end date, he decided that the Maya were more likely to be right and switched his end date to match theirs.
McKenna also believed evolution and religion were both the result of the ingestion of Psilocybe cubensis … really; the guy loved his fungi.
If you’re sick of all this apocalyptic talk, you’re not alone. China recently arrested more than 500 Christians associated with the “Lightning of the East” society for spreading apocalyptic rumors. Because hey, if it’s not in the Little Red Book … am I right?
NASA’s website explains that the end of the world is not upon us. There is not a planet four times the size of Earth called Niburu about to crash into us, and the Earth’s magnetic fields and axis are just fine, thank you. In fact, the Mayan calendar doesn’t signify the end of time, it signifies the end of a calendar, just like every December 31 when you go to the store and buy a new calendar with pictures of cats dressed like people, a Jeopardy clue a day, or in this writer’s case, the “Outhouses of the World,” 2013 edition.
So what if the world doesn’t end, what if it’s one big Mayan knee-slapper?
Two things will happen: the world’s population growth will double the baby boom on August 20, 2013, and Saturday will be a busy day at the shopping centers and malls. (Seriously, you think I bought anything yet? I mean, the world might end; it’s a valid argument, use it while you can. There will be time for apologies if the feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl doesn’t come back to earth.)
Folks, I can’t tell you what’s going to happen tomorrow, but at 11:57 pm I’m putting some popcorn in the microwave, “The Final Countdown” on my stereo full blast, and going out on the front porch to enjoy it … whatever “it” is.
Don’t let the rapture pass you by.